


I Only Wish To Love You

by seifersfire



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-29
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-02-23 03:15:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2532053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seifersfire/pseuds/seifersfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was her apostate... No matter the consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Being greeted by the now familiar scent of sweat and urine was no surprise. Darktown really had its own charm. If it weren't for the blonde healer who spent countless hours here she was quite sure her visits would have been much less frequent. Maker that man would be the death of her with all his noble resisting.

It was no secret Hawke wanted more from the apostate she liked to think of as her own. Even Merrill had picked up on it and Siri swore she saw Varric at every turn, his hands clutching a piece of parchment just waiting for a good story. Hawke sighed heavily. Given their last mission and what had almost happened to that girl... She hadn't seen Anders for days and while he did hold her at arms length, more than two days without word was too much.

It was just to make sure he was alright. At least that's what she kept telling herself, it had nothing to do with the foreboding feeling she had been struggling with since Justice had reared his head and almost obliterated his own cause along with Anders himself. He had seemed so broken and her heart bled for him.

"Don't lie to me, boy, I've been in these sewers for days trying to find the healer. You were half dead this morning! Where's this apostate?"

"I don't know!"

Even as her heart turned to ice in her chest, Siri glanced towards the argument. A young boy, Daniel, was backed into a corner with a Templar looming above him. She recognized him as one of Anders urchins. He had a lung problem if she remembered correctly. _'Keep your wits about you Siri. One wrong move and you could make this situation far worse than it is.'_ With a deep breath she moved towards the pair.

"Daniel! I take it my tincture worked. Are you feeling well?" She put on her best smile and sauntered towards the child. He had seen her helping at the clinic and she prayed to the Maker that Daniel remembered her. The relief she saw in his eyes when they landed on her was palpable. "Of course, Lady Hawke. Thank you I feel much better."

Hawke turned her attention to the Templar. "Good evening. I do hope there isn't a problem. Has Daniel done something wrong?"

"Hawke? Didn't you move up to Hightown recently? I would think you wouldn't be down here again." Suspicion dripped from every syllable. It was no secret in Kirkwall that she was a friend to mages but thanks to their expedition into the Deep Roads her coin spoke volumes. Daniel, the smart child had removed himself from the corner and positioned himself behind Hawke.

She sighed dramatically, "No one wants to be here. However, just because I have gained wealth does not mean I have forgotten those who need my help. What kind of a person would I be to stand back and allow others to suffer just because they smell a little ripe?"

"Yeah, right. Have you seen the healer?" The clank of his armor as he shifted grated on her fraying nerves. _'By Andraste, I should have come sooner. Anders... I won't let them have you.'_

Siri plastered a very innocent face. "What healer? My goodness I hope there's not a dangerous apostate on the loose. "

The glower the Templar bestowed her was less than gracious. With a grunt of disgust he turned away prowling, to Hawke's relief, in the opposite direction of Anders clinic.

Once the Templar was far out of sight she kneeled to Daniel's height and spoke in a hurried whisper. "Where is he? Where is Anders?"

"He's at his clinic. I was there right before the Templar found me."

"You did good child. Run home and do not look back." Siri patted the boy on the head and turned towards the clinic trying to seem as unhurried as possible. It would not do for her to be seen running to his aid. It would only give away his location.

Lamenting that she had left her faithful Thedas at her home. The mabari would have been a welcome companion right now, if just to have a warm being to reach out to. Her heart pounded in her chest as the clinic came into view. The lantern was lit. Her relief was quickly dashed though, the door was leaning to the left, the bottom hinge destroyed.

' _No!'_

Dropping all pretense she broke into a full run as noise from inside reached her ears.

"I don't care. He's not here now. Tell you what, we'll pay off one of those Fereldan squirts to let us know when he's back. Let's go. Ale and the Hanged Man are the only things on my list of things to do tonight."

"The Knight Commander wants this piss ant found. If we go back without actually searching the place she'll have our heads instead."

Kneeling by the doors Siri took stock of what she could see in the clinic. Her world stopped when she saw his staff. Anders never went anywhere without his staff. Sweet Andraste he was in the clinic. As her options presented themselves to her the situation looked desperate. If she announced her presence there would only be questions as to why she was there. She could easily take two Templars, but their disappearance would be noted, only bringing further scrutiny to her beloved. With determination she stayed silent listening to their search praying to gods she did not believe in that he would not be found.

"Wait, hold up. What's this?"

Her daggers were removed from their sheathes. She would not loose him. He may never love her but she would watch over her apostate. These Templars were going to die and she would happily bathe in their blood to keep him from tranquility.

"Get out of there, abomination! Kerry! He's here!"

She peaked through a hole in the wood. He looked worse than she had ever seen him. The dark circles under his eyes were darker and if it was possible he looked even thinner. Did the man never eat?! She tunneled her fear and frustration into her best talents. Sliding into the clinic silently, banishing the trembling in her hands. She would not let them take him. They already had him in irons, she could feel the heavy weight in the air. The Templars had sealed his magic.

"You can end me. Go ahead! This injustice will end, even if it is not by my hand. You will pay for our oppression!" His face was set. She only took a moment to appreciate the fire in his eyes and the determination he exuded. Her love for him only grew as she watched his defiance. The Templars lifted him roughly by the cuffs. "The circle is where you are headed apostate, if Meredith doesn't make you tranquil herself. You've been a dagger in her side for months."

She was close. Neither the Templars nor Anders had seen her. Siri had been many things in her life, a sister, a daughter, even a mercenary and she drew strength from the bloodlust that came with the last. Very rarely did she enjoy killing, however, these men, these Templars would die.

"NO! You will not take us!"

Bright blue light suffused the room as Justice made his appearance. She watched as Anders threw his entire body weight to the left, his magics pushing against the Templars. She delighted in the blue flames that enveloped the Templars hands.

They both yelled, releasing their charge, but as quickly as he surfaced Justice was pushed back down. "You'll pay for that!" One of them screamed slamming Anders in the face with his hand. A dark pleasure rose in the rogue as she lifted her left hand poised to end this Templar. A split second before she struck warm honeyed eyes met her own and the relief she saw there almost made her collapse. She would not let him be taken.

Blood spilled from the Templar, gushing from his throat to stain the shiny metal of his armor. She delighted in the stunted breath, the gurgle of air and blood mixing, watching the realization dawn on his face that his time had come to an end. With the natural grace she was born with she shifted her right hip, placing herself between Anders and the remaining Templar. Her knees protested her position but she ignored the grinding sensation and pushed upwards with her strong thighs her murderous smile only getting bigger when she felt her blades slide in beneath the Templars breastplate and the resistance of skin and bones as she ended him. They would not have him.

The Templar staggered and fell to his knees, she met his gaze as the life drained from his eyes. "Know this before you die. They will never find your body. You will be forgotten like the piece shit you are."

Only when the Templar no longer drew breath did she take a breath of her own. Her hands, so steady and sure five seconds ago trembled. Her daggers fell to the ground as she turned to Anders. "Are you all right? Did they hurt you?!"

A very tired laugh met her inquiry, "You have the best timing."

She rose to her feet quickly extinguishing the lantern and shoving the door closed. She had to make sure they would not be discovered again. Satisfied that she would at least have warning enough to deal with someone if they tried to come in she moved back to his side. "Let's get you out of these." It only took a moment to release his hands, the irons falling the the floor with a heavy clunk. She ignored the burn touching him caused her. Now was not the time.

"If you hadn't been here... Thank you." He rubbed his wrists and let out a shuddering breath.

His voice washed over her and she turned away as tears burned her eyes. She blinked rapidly trying to contain herself. He was safe. Thank the Maker. She was grateful for the darkness they were surrounded by, Anders pulled away from any emotion, her relief was too obvious. "I am here to help," she whispered. "We cannot stay here. The Templars will not be long. Has your magic returned?"

A small fireball granted light to their environment. Siri quickly turned her face from him, she was always terribly blotchy after she cried. He couldn't see it, it would reveal too much. "Burn them. There can be no evidence."

The smell of burning flesh was nothing new.


	2. Chapter 2

Ashes littered the air as she lifted the scorched metal from what remained of the Templars. Hawke lifted the heavy object into a back room and covered it in the available filth to deter anyone from uncovering any evidence. "Do you have any particularly unfavorable blankets?"

Anders chuckled darkly. "I think I can manage that." He rummaged around locating several items that fit her description. As he passed the contraband to her their fingers brushed up against one another and he almost groaned at the contact. Nothing was ever easy with this woman. Didn't she see the danger he posed to her? Even now his body sang being this close to her, and he burned with the need to claim what was his. **_'No. She is not for us. We stand for all mages. Our cause is the only thing that matters.'_**

Justice's opinion was already out in the open. Had been from day one. And the blighted spirit was right, he would only love her and then break her when the time for his destiny arrived. With a mental sigh he turned to face her.

Siri Hawke was truly a vision, she had silky black hair that always seemed to tickle her chin and the oh so soft base of her neck. The sparse braids twirled when she turned to face him. Her tawny eyes almost seemed to glow in the present lighting. "You seem rather keen on keeping me alive Hawke. Had you not been here, even with the girl in those tunnels a few days back. I've never had a better friend."

He almost missed her flinch at the accursed word. He ignored the pain in his chest at her obviously fake smile. "What kind of a person would I be if I let you die? Your urchins would miss you dearly." She turned her face away to hide the flash of concern and the unspoken _'I would miss you.'_

"Besides, who else will make sure I never get away from the smell of Darktown. We all have our crosses to bear. You can't hog all the martyrdom." Humor slid easily off her tongue. She had always been a good little liar, and her charm was legendary. She had a feeling Anders was one of the few who could see through that. However, if he knew he had been mercifully silent. "Let's go. You'll need to lay low for a few days and before you protest, I will be accompanying you at least until we leave Darktown. Do you have somewhere you can go?"

He gathered his staff and coat, not much else was worth taking. "I have a few contacts that can help me." _'Hopefully.'_

"You're a horrible liar Anders." A smile, unbidden, graced his face. Maker he was gorgeous when he smiled. It was such a rare sight, especially recently. She pulled a small silver whistle from her pocket and blew, though no sound erupted from the trinket. Thedas would be here soon. The cellar had been unlocked since she had first heard the Templars begin rumbling about her healer, prudent planning.

She chuckled, "Come along Anders, I have a spare room."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

His constant rejection really should not be capable of causing her that much pain at this point. "Give me a little credit, I'm not going to jump you in your sleep. Don't be stupid about this or the risk I just took was for naught." She snapped, despising that her pain was obvious. "You say you cannot love me. That is fine, but please, let me keep you safe."

Her words felt like a knife in the heart. For three years she had stood by him, helped him save mages, lied for him. She visited as much as she could and donated blankets, supplies, and her own time to help his cause. He knew Justice could feel his agony.

_'Please Justice. She supports our cause and she has promised not to distract us. I cannot stop how she feels or how I feel, please do not make me hurt her again.'_

**_'The arrangement is acceptable.'_ **

He was convening with Justice, he always got this little worry line on his left cheek when they were talking. Sometimes she truly and deeply hated the spirit for what he did. Justice was responsible for Anders lack of food, sleep, and all things most other people saw as requirements to keep their hearts beating. What killed her though was the happy twinkle she could spy every now and again when their cause was bolstered and she knew Anders cared for the spirit so she kept her concerns to herself.

Thedas' happy rumble broke the standoff. He trotted over placing his head under her hands, the smell of the mabari comforted her as she lifted her head in anticipation of Anders inevitable refusal. Maybe Varric could help?

"Alright."

Her shock must have been evident. "And Justice is good with this?" She intentionally lowered her face, shielding her eyes from him. Damn Andraste, stupid emotions!

"Yes." She was the only person in his life who even acknowledged Justice as a presence other than when he was being 'glowy'. The spirit rumbled at being referred to in such a manner but he settled down soon enough. Anders could feel a strange sense of curiosity coming from the spirit.

**_'She is... Different.'_ **

_'You're just catching that now?'_

They departed Darktown, climbing the ladder into her cellar and scaled the stairs into her estate.

"Bohdan, please prepare the guest room."

"Right away my lady."

She tiredly started stripping her armor off while Anders stood awkwardly in the foyer. "Bohdan will see to any needs you have."

His gaze slipped to her face, pulled tight in a frown. Her eyes held a drained look and he hated that he was responsible for it. "Thank you." How he wished he could offer her more than words.

"I'll be heading out to see Isabela. You're welcome to the library, if you need it."

He bit down on the bile that rose in his throat. She always went to Isabela after... Encounters like this, when she needed to forget him. The only thing that stopped him from reaching out and showing her just how much he actually loved her was because it was just sex, he doubted the pirate even knew what love was. It killed him to let someone else bring her that release but she already sacrificed so much for him he could not deny her that one thing because, as ridiculous as it sounded, he knew if he asked her to stop she would.

He just hoped she wouldn't hear the tremor in his voice. "Well she stopped by the clinic yesterday so you should be in the clear." Maker that felt like ashes on his tongue. It should be him touching those lips and his name on her breath. Not that blasted pirate. He looked up from the ground to see she had approached him and was holding out a piece of parchment.

"I meant to give this to you sooner. It was on the Templar in the caves the other night. You ran off before I could give it to you." He took the parchment as she sauntered towards the stairs.

His heart jumped, they had denied the Tranquil Solution, the grand cleric and Meredith, both! Hope soared in his chest, perhaps there was a chance that compromise could be accomplished!

Her voice dimmed by distance caught his attention. "Mother? Are you awake?"

"Of course Siri. Come in."

"We'll be having a house guest for a while. Just until it's safe for him to go home. You remember Anders, right? The healer from Darktown."

"He is the sweetest man. He should eat more."

Her low laughter sent chills across his skin. "Well if anyone has any hope of fattening him up its you mother dearest. I'll be going out tonight but I will be back later. All right?"

"Have fun child."

"Do my best."

He could practically see the smirk on her face. She loved him and he knew it. The pain and pleasure this caused him was a heavy weight.

**_'Why does she affect you so? The only thing that moves you as much is our cause. She is only a woman.'_ **

_'She is. But whether she knows it or not, she is my woman.'_

Justice was once more rendered quiet at the strength in that admission. He pondered quietly while Anders went to the library to gather parchment and ink. He could get a few more pages into his manifesto while not thinking about heated kisses or any other pleasures that would be offered to Isabela.


	3. Chapter 3

Stale ale and humidity was always the herald to the Hanged Man. Siri could barely pick up the scent of spice, the only person that, even for a little while, could make her forget Anders and the entire onslaught of emotions that came with him. Her relief that Isabela was here was almost embarrassing.

"Kitten," she drawled, sauntering over. "You've come to see me." Siri lifted her face and ignored the pity that met her gaze. Was she so transparent? "Bela," Hawke only hoped that her tone conveyed her desires as she reached for the Rivaini.

"Come along love, I'll nibble all your pain away. Till the only thing you can feel is bliss and that overactive brain of yours is devoid of whatever has put that pout on your beautiful face." Soft pliant lips met Siri's. A nimble hand so like her own wrapping into her short hair and pulling a warm and willing body closer to her own. Her hands fell to Bela's waist delighting in the pliant give of her hips. The frustrated groan the left Siri's lips had the woman in her arms squirming already.

The cat calls reminded her they were in public and she had far too little ale to be feeling that adventurous, she felt too raw. Siri broke the kiss, grinning somewhat sheepishly at the pirate. Isabela's hand remained in her hair, delighting at the shivers that raced down Siri's arms. "I take it you had a bad day."

"Oh I don't know," Siri chuckled. "I'd say that having your worst nightmare drug out from under your bed into reality is good for you. Helps with perspective!" The shaky exhale following that statement conferred more than she would have liked. 

"Since you're here and not galavanting off with murder in your eye, everyone's safe as houses now, yes?" Bela mumbled against her neck, nipping lightly at the ever so pale Fereldan skin before her. 

Her gaze shifted past Bela to the blonde approaching them. "Of course, but days like this encourages one to drink, heavily, on that note, Varric good to see you."

"Hawke, seems you've got a mind to give half the men in here either a boner or a heart attack. Think you can drink with us a bit before you and Isabela get back to doing... That?" Varric stuttered, either very much captivated by something on the floor or not immune to the display between the two women.

"Best not to let Bianca know we turn you on," Bela teased.

"Bianca and I have an agreement when it comes to you two. We don't talk about it." A mug was placed in her hand as lithe hands wrapped around her waist and dipped below her leather to touch the soft skin of her tummy. Maker those nails left goosebumps wherever she touched.

She took a long pull from the mug anticipating the floaty free feeling the yellow liquid would bring. Numb, yes that's what she wanted, nothing but sated flesh and a silent mind. She settled herself in a chair in Varric's suite. "So, what's the word in Kirkwall? Any good stories to share?"

The dwarf struggled with an answer as Isabela settled herself in Siri's lap and busied herself with nibbling up the rogues neck. "Uh... You're rich now and..." He focused away from the table. "Corff practically accused all Fereldans of being pigeon killers." 

Siri scoffed, "When Corff has lived through a Blight he can grumble about killing pigeons. At that point they are food." Issbela's weight felt nice in her lap and she already had one of the pirates gauntlet and gloves off. 

Bela grabbed Siri's hand leading it not too inconspicuously to the laughable flap the pirate dared call clothes. Heat built between the two as the darker skinned woman made a tiny noise of want. "Damn Varric and his ale. I want you naked and wet."

"I think Norah's calling for me."

"You can have whatever of me you want, Bela. I'm all yours." Siri purred as those wandering hands made short work of the laces on her leather.

"I'm coming Norah!" The door to Varric's suite slammed closed as the dwarf ran for his life.

Finally alone Siri lifted her charge plopping the pirate on the table, teasing a nipple through the fabric of her tunic. The throaty moan and jerk of her partner was music to her ears. She felt the laces of her trousers loosen and she gratefully stepped between the Pirates legs.

"Always so desperate for me," Isabela keened as Siri forcefully removed the other woman's tunic and began kissing her way down the treasure trail of goodies Bela's skin had to offer. There was a distant thunk and somewhere in her rather occupied brain she wondered just when the pirate had managed to get her boots off.

Siri delighted in the squeal her lover let loose when she lovingly sucked on a dusky nipple, smiling in satisfaction as it rose to meet her tongue. "You're in for a ride tonight Bela, I've got a bit of," she bit down lightly and then blew a gentle breeze to ease the sting, "frustration to work out."

Isabella's hips rose off the table and her hands tangled in Siri's hair. "No one... Told me..." With a wicked smile Siri brought her lips down and suckled Isabella's clit, sweet Andraste, she was already so wet. "It was my birthday," Bela groaned.

Siri chuckled darkly against her sweetest of places, the vibrations drawing a tortured noise from her willing victim. Her hips started rocking gently against Siri's face, the slide of Bela's smooth thighs was more than erotic. Granting the unspoken plea Bela felt two fingers sliding inside. Siri's unoccupied hand found the Pirates breasts and squeezed flicking a nipple along the way.

"Kitten," Isabela moaned. "Don't know what I did to deserve this." Maker she was so close. That was the thing about Hawke though, when you gained her attention, for better or worse, you got all of her attention. The fingers inside her curled against the nicest of places, the slick slide of her digits creating the most wonderful friction within her. Her attention returned to the head between her thighs. Watching Hawke made her skin sing. How Anders avoided Siri's ever so talented hands was beyond her.

She cried out as stars exploded behind her eyelids. Siri's obvious satisfaction at bringing her to a very loud and harsh climax was obvious, especially with the view Isabela had. The tremors started to slow and Siri climbed up her lover practically preening with pride. "And I'm just getting started," Siri mumbled kissing the still panting woman beneath her. Bela wrapped her arms around her present partner delighting in her own taste on Hawke's lips. 

Siri's center of gravity shifted and her smirk was replaced with surprise as Bela shifted their positions. "I don't know how he stays away from you."

The impact her words caused was visibly notable in seconds and Isabela didn't have time to lament the loss of fire in Siri's eyes. A sad smile crossed her face and she slowly reached for Bela's neck pulling the other woman down. "You say the sweetest things."

"Shh pet, let me make it better."

Varric didn't get his suite back for a few hours.


	4. Chapter 4

Anders had never been a light sleeper, however, if he was correct an ogre had just gone clattering into Hawke's house. He quietly slipped out of the bed he was provided and grabbed his staff. He immediately missed the soft sheets and silky feel it afforded his skin. It had been forever since he slept in a bed and the one he currently had been occupying reminded him that cots were not beds.

Thedas rumbling let him know who it was before he even glimpsed her. "Easy boy, mummy's been drinking. She's just a little uncoor... Uncooward... Wobbly." He spied her from the shadows of his doorway. She was half sitting half lying on her beloved pet in front of the fireplace. Her hands ran lazily through the dogs fur humming softly, obviously basking in the heat afforded from the fire and her mabari. Thedas didn't seem to mind, lying his large head on his front paws.

One glance into the foyer revealed aforementioned ogre in the form of a bench lying on its side and what appeared to be her left shoe dangling from its laces.Affection practically infused him when he spied her bare foot.

Her snore only made the warmth spread to his toes.

After a very short and surprisingly Justice free debate he exited the shadows and moved towards the unconscious woman. Thedas lifted his head as Anders grabbed her arm, bringing it to rest on his shoulder while sliding said arm down to support her back. "I'm just putting her to bed. She'll wake up in a horrible state if I leave her here." He brought his other arm under her knees and lifted.

Thedas huffed, curling inwards to make up for the loss of his mistresses body heat.

Siri not so eloquently protested the movement, incoherently grumbling into his chest. She took a deep breath as he moved towards the stairs that led to her room. "'M I dreaming? You smell really good." She slurred. Anders steadfastly ignored her hand which was now drawing invisible shapes on the side of his neck. "Of course you're dreaming sweetness. Go back to sleep."

He placed her feet on the floor just outside her bedroom, he didn't trust himself to go in there, especially with him literally carrying her. "Go on, your bed's right there. You can rest now." Maker she was distracting with those fingers, why hadn't she stopped?

"But... I'm dreaming... Doesn't that mean I'm already asleep?" Her head drooped a bit and she started listing to the left. His body reacted before he could stop himself. Her shoulders met his chest and his hands steadied her hips. She smelled like sex and ale, but her hair still smelled like Hawke, lilacs and vanilla.

It took a considerable part of his willpower to set her aside him and give a gentle push towards her bedroom. "Trust me and get some rest." Maker that pert little rear of hers fit so nicely against him. His hands remained on her hips to steady the rather wobbly woman.

Siri was usually a very graceful person, although understandably not at her best at the moment. She turned in his hold so she was facing him. "Thank you." She mumbled, with the softest smile he had ever seen. Before he could react she had stepped or, rather more accurately, fell forward her breasts bumping up against his chest as her lips descended on his. His surprise was evident and Siri wasted no time in taking advantage of that as her tongue met the pliancy of his own.

Anders moaned, locking his arms around her, before tilting the angle of their kiss and surging forward. She responded with a little keen, more than accepting his lead. The rogue snaked her fingers to the tie at the back of his head, her fingers finally sinking into his hair as said tie fluttered to the floor.

Oh she was so soft now, always demanding and hard in combat but she melted to him perfectly. Her sweet lips sent a spark through him and his cock pulsed in need. Sweet Maker he had to have her. The rasp of her nipples against his chest was torture as his arms slid from her shoulders to wrap around her waist pulling the rogue closer. She moaned as their hips aligned, rubbing his now very obvious erection. His tongue invaded her mouth, mimicking the movements his hips and legs were just begging to do. He had to get inside this woman, heart, body and soul.

It was actually Hawke who ended the exchange falling back to her door frame.

Sanity returned in a rush, at least for Anders. How was he going to stay away now? Now that he knew what she tasted like and what she felt like curled around him. A soft laugh caught his attention, he glanced over and the fire in her very inebriated gaze did little to strengthen his resolve in fact he felt it weaken. Anger was quick on its heels, she had promised. "Have to be dreaming. You'd never touch me otherwise."

The anger died with those words. It was replaced by guilt and a profound sense of longing. He lifted his hand to her face and knew he was playing with fire. "Love, I long to touch you every minute of everyday."

"Ha! Woulda already done it." His heart broke a little when she stepped away from him and towards the bedroom. He was about to turn away when he heard a quiet voice, one he immediately associated with her soft smile earlier. "But I'll wait for you."

She was curling up on the blankets when he got his last glance. Anders went back to his room closing the door an leaning heavily against it. Ignoring the slight tremors he slid his hand into his trousers and knew on the first stroke he would not last long. His tongue darted out licking his own lip. He could still taste her and heavens what would she taste like in other places? He brought his free hand to his mouth stifling the moan that accompanied the thought. Would her skin be as soft as he thought it would? The mental image of her legs wrapped around his waist as he pushed into her tight wet heat. His own teeth dug into the skin on his palm. He was so close, the pressure building within him was reaching a breaking point. His treacherous imagination assaulted him with the possibilities. He could almost taste the sweat on her skin as she rode him into oblivion. Could practically feel the weight of her legs wrapped around his waist as he drove himself inside her while he sweetly suckled on her breasts.

As his seed spilled against his own fingers he ignored the sharp pain in his palm and the metallic tang of blood in his mouth.

 

 

 

 

**_'Anders, you must wake.'_ **

Groaning the apostate cracked one eyelid. _'What?'_

**_'What is this sensation? I believe it is a ... Smell?'_ **

Anders yawned heavily but the subsequent inhale revealed something glorious. He chuckled. _'That my dear friend is bacon.'_

A sense of extreme discomfort and the same curiosity he had shown earlier washed over Anders. It almost perplexed him the normal things that might trip the spirit up. It was truly an odd experience to feel uncomfortable about food. **_'What is bacon?'_**

Anders tried to hide his amusement but they were one and the spirit bristled in offense, rather than make the situation worse he explained, _'It is a food. Rather good one at that. Mostly served for the first meal of the day.'_

**_'Are we to partake in the first meal?'_ **

Anders had no hope of hiding his mirth when Justice sounded almost hopeful. ' _We shall see.'_

After a more than satisfying stretch, he pushed his upper body off the bed to feel a stab of pain in his hand. One look at the teethmarks and everything came rushing back. Anders did his best to suppress his thoughts, Justice did not need to know about that...

 ** _'I was... Present during the evening...'_** Came the almost guilty reply.

_'And you didn't interfere? Why not? I thought she was a distraction?'_

**_'She is!'_** Anders felt the spirit flare momentarily. **_'However, I can feel her frustration with me. It is,'_** the spirit settled but still struggled with his next words. _**'Her anger is only due to things I do not understand. Your body requires concepts I am unfamiliar with. All people are constant in the Fade. We do not require resources to exist. We do not consume. It is true we have talked on this matter before, but your resolve was strong. I ... I did not understand the need for nourishment on a physical level. Your kind is strange. But her devotion to you is palpable. It pleased her to feel our flesh. I allowed it.'**_

Shock froze the mage, his shirt dangling from his fingers. The pull of so many thoughts, so many possibilities yanked in sixteen different directions. One thought he could not suppress was the hope that maybe... _'Freedom?'_

He almost felt the spirit hold the thought and the wave of guilt that swept through him was not his own. **_'I never intended to cage you, Anders, only to grant you my strength. As long as our cause remains true we can spend more time with your Fereldan. She is good for you and you are still my friend.'_**

Justice actually paused at the flood of joy from the mage. **_'It was never my intent to chain you.'_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note* The line about freedom was inspired by Anders comments directly after blowing up the Chantry stating that 'At least Justice will be free.'


	5. Chapter 5

You know, she had quite a few loops on her boots. She only untied the top set for convenience but now the she noticed that was a lot of loops.

"Whore."

"Frigid bitch."

Siri did nothing to hide her sigh of irritation. She was going to have to separate those two soon, heavens above, why had Fenris not been home this morning? Her preference to the pirate had always irked dear Aveline, so naturally she poured all her energy into ignoring or insulting said pirate as a passive aggressive attempt to not voice her opinion, loudly. Not that Aveline had issues with stating what was on her mind, not at all!

"Just because I haven't bedded everyone at the Hanged Man does not make me frigid! Have you no concept of decency?"

"If it brings you gold or giggles, princess."

Resisting the urge to poke something repeatedly, with her knives, she trudged forward, ignoring the bickering that continued behind her. She was hunting spiders on the Sundermount, she needed someone with longer pointy sticks than her own and with Fenris unavailable, Aveline had been the next best choice. Unfortunately, Isabela had already been with her when Fenris had not answered. Next time she had to go into the sewers she was bringing the elf, if just so he had to literally had to walk through the shit. Let him grumble about getting unmentionables on his precious toes. Mental note added, sewer trudging revenge.

"Did I miss something dirty?"

Normally the little mage did not accompany them, keeping to herself mostly, however, there was no way she could have asked Anders to come not after last night, dream or no. That was not something she could hide, at least right now, a few days of taking care of the ever replenishing list of people that needed her help was just the distraction she was after. Siri might have felt a little guilty for ignoring the petite mage so but, to be heartbreakingly honest blood magic made her uncomfortable. She didn't know if it was because of her fathers blood or if it was intuition but, all mages had an aura or a presence about them and Merrill's physical proximity almost made her itch. "That depends on your version of dirty."

"There's more than one version?" Merrill sounded positively scandalized.

"Dearest Merrill, there are volumes of versions." Huh, maybe she should push the pirate to spend more time with Merrill. Isabela apparently wouldn't be opposed and it would help Merrill be a little less lonely.

"Can you people think of nothing else? There's nothing around us but spider guts. One would think that would kill the mood!" Aveline groused as she tightened the strap the freed her arm from her shield, grunting with the effort it took to hold said shield in place against the wriggling mass of spiders on the other side. Now that she mentioned it, the fleshy flop of spider innards was not nearly as attractive as the sounds Anders had made last night and she wasn't even sure that happened. Hawke stumbled to the left as she nearly tripped over the numerous legs laying around. Right, concentrating on the spiders, not sexy Anders thoughts.

In hindsight, there was a possibility she was as depraved as Isabela. "Apparently when one reaches a certain level of depravity even spider guts cannot stand in the way." Her blades sunk deeply into the cranium of a spider to her left. 

"Are there versions of moods too? This is all strangely complicated." Merrill completely missed Isabela's appreciative stare, twice. The air crackled as the little mage twirled her staff, her lightning answering the elf's call. Mental note number two, Bela apparently had no issue with people who thought the Fade was full to the brim of puppies and kittens and not demons.

"If you're that interested in finding out..." Isabela purred, while gutting the nearest arachnid. 

Siri knew that smile, toe curlingly nice things happened after that twist of her lips. "Easy Bela, you can tie her down and have your way with her later. We're concentrating on spiders at the moment." 

"Slave driver."

"Wait, why would you want to tie me down? Did I do something wrong?"

"You all are hopeless!" Aveline growled, coming out from behind her shield long enough to swing her rather sharp blade in a wide arc, guts and so forth flying everywhere. One truly did have to respect the amount of havoc one woman could cause, perhaps she needed the shield more for blocking guts than blows. 

Siri chuckled as the last of the spiders fell and watched as Aveline typical soldier that she was started tending to her precious armor. "Hawke, you know these vile things corrode and rot my armor! Why not bring Fenris or," Her gaze slithered to the pirate practically drooling on the very confused mage. "Anyone else."

"I'll pay for any damages to your beloved equipment," Siri chuckled. Wait, this nest was finished. What was moving?

Aveline pulled her sheath from her back, placing her sword almost reverently on the hardened leather, already bemoaning the damages to the steel and placing it next to her shield on the ground. "This will take hours to fix!" There was definitely something moving over there. Siri stood to get a better look and only had moments to react, while kneeling Aveline's armor would do little or no good by the time the damn wasp spider struck. Calling on her skills she pushed forward staying low to the ground, she would only have time for one strike and it had to be deadly.

"Aveline! Move!"

Thank the maker the woman moved quickly when she did. Instead of chomping down on nice nummy Aveline flesh the spider got a mouth full of Hawke's gauntlet. Taking the moment she had her other arm extended out to its full length and with a strike upwards she was met with the resistance flesh and bone. With a dark smile, Siri yanked towards herself and the creature screeched as vital organs began to bend to gravity's will.

The only warning she got was the strap to her gauntlet giving away before two twin pains assaulted her left forearm.

"Hawke!"

She felt the pincers pulse, pushing more venom into her veins as she struck a second time, the spider knew it was done and the damn thing was trying to take her with it. With more effort than it should have taken, she cut the fangs from its body and could only hope that her companions would be able to finish the beast. She hit the ground and winced as her head bounced off something sharp.

The spider was encased in stone the moment Siri fell and with grim satisfaction she watched as Aveline beheaded it in one swing.

"Merrill, go get Anders, quick as you can!"

Siri didn't even see the elf leave before the pain hit, searing her insides, pulsing from her arm. 

 

 

Anders had never felt so full, by the Maker, Leandra was an exceptional cook. Eggs, Toast, bacon and fresh milk. The best thing he'd had to eat lately was stew and the meat's origins had been sketchy. This was glorious. "Words cannot express my gratitude and appreciation for this. It's the best meal I've had in years. Here, let me clear the table."

"That's quite thoughtful, thank you. I do hope you'll be staying a while, it gets quiet while Siri's off galavanting about." Leandra blew delicately on her mug of steaming tea.

"Hopefully I won't have to impose on you too long. Did you catch where she was headed when she left this morning?"

Leandra hid her smile behind her tea. "She very rarely tells me, something about not wanting to worry me."

The front door swung open with a bang and Bohdan was physically shoved out of the way. "Anders, you're needed!" the elf panted. "On Sundermount. There was an accident."

"Not that she puts me in that position regardless, frequently," Leandra mumbled. 

Casting a rejuvenation spell as he moved questions started flying out of his mouth as his legs got with the program. "What happened?"

"Spider bite."

After a brief stop in his temporary room to grab two Lyrium potions from his bag, they moved towards the door. 

Once they cleared the house and Leandra was out of earshot he asked, "Who?"

"Hawke."

 

 

Aveline braced Siri's weight against her front as Isabela slowly poured elfroot potion in her mouth, rubbing her throat to encourage the liquid down. "Come on love, won't do for you to die yet. Drink up, there you go." Isabela's soothing tone was very much at odds with her face, which was pale and racked with worry. Siri looked even worse, pale as a ghost and twitching. She was slicked with sweat from a fever that had started within minutes of Merrill's departure. Her breathing was starting to get weaker. Maker's breath where were they?!

Siri coughed forcing Aveline to further support her friend. Bleary eyes opened with little focus, "... Anders?"

"You've been calling out his name for years pet, stay with us a little longer and you can see him. That sounds nice, yes?" Isabela reached for her pack blindly grabbing another potion and disregarding the now empty vial. "If he would get his arse in gear already. Tits, where is that man?"

"Never got... To tell him..."

Damn they were loosing her! Isabela with little forethought and a great deal of panic slapped Siri, hard. "You don't get to do that! Stay awake damn you."

 

 

"How much further?" Anders asked.

"Just over this hill! That's where the nest was," Merrill dropped to her knees in exhaustion.

His heart all but disappeared when Isabela's scream hit his ears. Worry was not something commonly associated with the pirate. Siri was in trouble. He crested the hill and ran to the three women. "How long has it been?"

He uncorked the first bottle of lyrium as healing waves fell from his fingertips, her distressed moan at what should have felt soothing did not improve his confidence in her condition.

"Twenty minutes, maybe more. She hit her head on my shield when she fell, there's blood." Aveline supplied moving Siri's hair out of the way.

One hand stayed over her left arm while the other slid up the back of her neck. Good, only a minor concussion, that at least easily dealt with, he brought the same hand back down sliding over her neck and chest. The poison had not reached her heart. He could save her. He pushed cleansing energy through her body each wave ebbing away at the sludge in her veins.

 

 

Her body was on fire, every inch burned with agony. She was going to die, she knew it. She couldn't go without... Isabela, she needed Isabela.

"I'm here precious, what do you need?"

"Not gunna make it. Tell Varric to watch out for my mum."

"Stop talking like this sweetling. Didn't you hear? You are going to be fine. Why is she still acting like this?"

"It's the type of toxin, attacks her nerves directly, she feels pain where there is none." That sounded like Anders. A smile graced her face, thank the maker she got to hear it one more time. "She'll continue to improve, just a little more." Cool hands were touching her bare tummy and they pulsed with cold energy that was making her rather sleepy. Only one more thing to do before she let go. With what little strength she had left she peeled her eyes open and there he was all scruffy and cute.

When she clumsily lifted a hand to the stubble on the side of his face, his gaze locked with hers all fire and determination to keep her alive. "I love you." There, she had said it.

His gaze narrowed, she wished she weren't so sluggish, normally she could tell what he was thinking. Her hand felt cold. When she managed to pull her gaze to said hand it was encased in Anders' own. God she was so tired, the brief flare of energy was fading. "Then prove it to me and keep breathing. I've got you and I will not let you go."

"It hurts. I'm tired."

She was almost cleansed, she would need time for her nerves to recover but there was almost no poison left, he just had to be sure to clean out her kidneys thoroughly of what had already been naturally filtered. "I know. I'll help you sleep soon. Just a little bit more, ok?"

"Anything for you."

One hand shifted from her tummy to her forehead. "Sleep, we'll talk when you're feeling better."

She drifted, vaguely aware of the sensation of her arm falling from his face. Maybe she would dream again. It had been sooooo much nicer than her waking hours as of late.

 

"What in the bloody fucking hell is wrong with you!? You know she's been coming to me for three years because your caveman of a skull keeps pushing her away!" Isabela shook her head, standing to her feet. "Don't get me wrong I've enjoyed the time with her and will happily enjoy more, but that means I get all the memories of her, not you. Weigh how much that means to you Anders."

Without giving a chance for argument, the pirate flounced off to check on Merrill.

Anders was quite happily envisioning the multiple different ways he could boil, freeze, electrocute and or heap other manners of bodily harm upon her head. How dare the queen of cat calls lecture him about feelings?! The woman had the emotional range of a rock. 

Well, that wasn't entirely true... She had sounded rather frightened a few minutes ago. What if he hadn't made it in time? What if he lost her? His hand found her own, as he curled their fingers together. 

So that was the weight she had referred to.

Gently he gathered her sleeping form in his arms and started the slow trek back to Kirkwall.


	6. Chapter 6

For the umpteenth time in three days she heard her beloved Thedas let out a pitiful whine. Both of them were feeling pent up and chaffing against the prison they had been placed in. Mother was an impressive warden. Three days of being stuck inside 'resting', more like torture and her slobber prone pet agreed. Hawke sighed heavily leaning her head back on the sofa in the library. Normally the fire would catch her attention, the little red tendrils dancing on the walls, but one could only observe so long until things that once encouraged comfort now induced irritation. She hadn't felt sunlight in days.

The sound of her staircase being chewed on and slowly whittled down to toothpicks had her left hand twitching practically reaching for her daggers, either that or the apparent reason she was forced into 'relaxing'. Someone, a sandy haired traitor that would not be named at the moment, had insisted to her mother that due to the slight damage done to her nerves she was prone to twitching and her fine motor skills would not be on par with what she was normally capable of. When she had offered him refuge it had been with the intent of spending as much time as possible running around, prolonged contact with Anders led to blushing and stuttering and all things female and while she enjoyed having him near, her nerves were beginning to fray.

To make it worse he seemed to be more than happy to keep her company but he hadn't looked her in the eye for three days. The conversation was nice but polite, it almost felt like a level of their friendship had disappeared and that upset her more than anything else. See this was why she needed to be doing things, not thinking, thinking lead to remembering and that lead to shame. She had to stop throwing herself at him or she'd loose what little of the real him she had seen. He was right the other night back in Darktown, this had been a bad idea. At least Varric had not seen what happened and no one would hear the tale of just how pathetic she had the potential of being.

The scratching of a quill meeting parchment had her gritting her teeth and a loud yowl right next to her ear was the breaking point. The damn dog was right, she had to get out of here. "I'm going for a walk."

Suspicion was not well hidden in the brown orbs that swiveled towards her, but never meeting her own. There might have been a few escape attempts on her behalf. It didn't help that Thedas knew her too well and had rushed to her side tail wagging, happiness oozing from the animal."I suppose you deserve a short walk around Hightown, just don't push yourself too hard, alright?"

The concern was the first she had spied of her Anders in days. A tentative smirk lifted her lips. "Don't worry, besides I won't be alone."

As she left the estate Anders let his quill fall, trying and failing to hold back a sigh. The past three days had been so horribly awkward. He knew his behavior was partly the cause of her melancholy, but all he could see when he looked at her was... By the Maker when she told him she loved him, he could think of nothing else. Three days of chit chat and scrolls upon scrolls of nonsense he had scratched out while enduring all that her presence induced. Three days of weighing and judging, even though he knew it was pointless. There was no way to predict the future. Even if they managed to survive Kirkwall and she, by some miracle, forgave him for his solution to the whole Chantry situation, his Calling and Justice had surely cut years from his life.

**_'You are repeating your thoughts, this is ineffecient.'_ **

' _Your powers of observation are astounding, Justice.'_ The spirit stirred at Anders ire. It made sense the indecision would irritate him, part of being Justice held little to no tolerance for hesitation. Anders could feel his strain under his skin, he chuckled darkly, as if it was his own. _'Do forgive me, not all of us are omnipotent.'_

' ** _Do not patronize me mortal, I have given leave to spend more time with her and yet you hesitate because of your fears. You will not hide the true nature of your thoughts from me, I will not say I am comfortable with the notion of experiencing a coupling, it is not something I was meant to feel. However, it seems resisting distraction has begun to drive you mad. We are of no use to anyone, much less mages, in this state. Sate your needs or leave but there is no middle road. There mortal, the choice you refuse to face. Make your decision.'_**

/

Sweet Andraste! The sounds and smells of the Hightown market were ever so welcome compared to the muted environment she had been subjected to. It felt like the first deep breath she took in days. Thedas was running delighted circles around her, barking madly, the animal's joy was infectious. An affectionate grin spread across her lips despite the disapproving titters from the more reserved citizens of Hightown. She spotted a tuft of white hair moving sleekly through the crowd, headed to the far side of Hightown. Desperate for a friendly face Siri called out to the elf, "Fenris!"

He stopped turning towards her, the grump always had a frown on his face. "Hawke, aren't you supposed to be resting with that abomination tending to your every need?"

Maker she would never be free of that man. "Not you too, I've only just escaped. Surely you wouldn't be cruel enough to return me to my prison of resting so soon? Besides, I despise holding still and I get the sneaking suspicion you can sympathize with that."

He looked pained as a smirk lit up his face, almost as if emotions that were not dark and angsty made him physically uncomfortable. "I suppose they can wonder where you are for a bit longer. I'm sorry I wasn't here when you went to Sundermount. I was looking into something."

"It wouldn't have anything to do with the sister our dearly departed Hadrianna mentioned, would it?"

Fenris did his best to not look surprised focusing his displeasure at her keen instincts. "On second thought, I might just call your mother." His one interaction with Hawke's mother had been quite abrasive, her doting nature more than smothering. All he could recall was a whirlwind of 'you don't eat enough' and 'do come by if you need anything', concepts that had long ago become foreign to him.

Her scandalized look amused him far more than Hawke knew. "You wouldn't dare!"

"You know better than to doubt my threats, Hawke." She was indeed a beautiful woman, but the worry and stress in her gaze was not something he approved of. Siri was truly a paragon that stood for what she thought was right and she had been good to him, he owed her. "Speaking of threats, Varric has intimated of cards and free ale this evening. Perhaps you can convince your jailers to let you out?"

"That sounds simply fantastic! I've been cooped up for days."

"Does rest mean bouncing about with your dog?" Leandra's sharp tone cut into the conversation.

Only familial devotion saved her mother from the mounting ire and irritation. She loved her mother and knew the woman only had her best interests at heart but the thought of returning home right now made Siri consider bolting for it. "Mother I am not a child."

"No you are, however, my child. It worries me when you run around so and worse you usually come back injured! Can you truly blame me for wanting to see you get better? I know this chafes dear, but you must rest." Leandra shifted her purchases to the other hip and Hawke, out of habit, reached out and took the packages.

"One must rest the body, but true healing stems from the soul. Perhaps a night, amongst heavily armed friends, at the Hanged Man will improve her disposition?" Fenris mumbled, staring rather pointedly at the ground. He had always been uncomfortable around her mother, although she had little trouble understanding why. She was a little shocked he spoke at all, but his words encouraged her. Good, he was starting to move on from his time in Tevinter.

Leandra nodded, "That is true. Well, at least I can make sure you are well fed before you go."

"In that case, I need to speak with Isabela. Pardon me." And with that the elf departed, leaving Leandra and her daughter alone. They fell into step together headed back towards the estate. "Siri, I wanted to ask you about something... More specifically your healer."

Siri didn't bother hiding her groan, "Mum, we really don't need to discuss this."

"You obviously care about him, why wouldn't I want to pry?" Leandra huffed.

"Believe me, there's nothing to tell."

"That's why I spoke... Are you sure you want to tie yourself to him? He's a troubled man, one with plans for the future that might not bode well with many people, and to top it off we are in Kirkwall, there couldn't be a worse place for mages. I admire his determination and his cause, but as your mother I find it harder to approve of him. The life he would bring is not what I want for you."

"Well, the man's refused me more times then I'd like to admit, so you've no need to be concerned."

Leandra kept the rest of her thoughts to herself, but his resistance to her daughter was the only reason she was sure the man loved Siri. Saw the same look in that young man's eyes that her beloved had held as he pushed her away, saying she deserved better than an apostate. Maker help her, Siri was too much like herself.

/

Warm smells greeted the Rivaini as she pushed open the door to Hawke's estate. Fenris had stopped by earlier and detailed this little jailbreak of his. She could just imagine how Hawke was dealing with the mothering. Admittedly, half the reason she agreed to the ridiculous proposal that Hawke needed protection was so she could drop by for dinner. Leandra's cooking was legendary.

Siri sat at the left side of the table with Anders to her right both were nibbling on their dinner. "Looking forward to an evening away from your prison?"

"Don't say that like you had nothing to do with it, I told you to gloss things over not give her a bloody breakdown of the facts." Oh how adorable, she was trying to be irritated. Poor kitten, that man could piss on her shoes and she'd thank him for shining them. "The amusing fact has to be that the most stubborn man I know and the only woman who ever came near besting me are both being bull rushed by one woman." Bela quipped, taking her serving from Leandra. "Best cook in the Free Marches."

"What do you mean nearly besting you?!"

"I am not stubborn!"

"Well, it doesn't have the same ring as best cook in Fereldan, but it's good to know that my talents are appreciated. Isabela if you sit on the table rather than in a chair I will have Thedas slobber all over that plate I just handed you." Leandra stated, without facing Bela.

Anders and Hawke shared a smile as the pirate who had been preparing to sit on the table plopped herself in a chair. "Weren't you saying something about being bull rushed?" He was so handsome when he thought he was being quippy.

"Shut it."

Siri snorted into her cup.

"He doesn't need any help from your silver tongue," Isabela practically sneered over her bowl. "Or so he claims."

"And on that lovely note I'm getting my daggers, then we can go." Siri rose from the table and exited the room.

"Daggers?! Siri you said this would be safe!" Leandra tore after her daughter all motherly concern.

"Are you having fun pirate?" Anders growled. "Your speech on Sundermount wasn't enough?"

"I only get rightfully upset once a year. That leaves me with innuendo and sarcasm, I'm working with what's made available to me. No need to get uppity. I'll lay off, besides for tonight I just want to see her smile, she never has been one to hold still well." Bela stated gathering up the dishes. Quick fingers did a weapons check and she was good to go.

Anders stood walking into the foyer, from the sounds of it Hawke was in no mood to be coddled, not anymore at least. It was strange to look at her in the mindset that he could have her, to feel anticipation without the strain of 'look but don't touch'. If you had told him last week that he would be plotting to get her alone, that Justice would be encouraging this, his first impulse would be to check said persons temperature. Her little braids whipped to the side when she went to answer her mother and the fire of irritation in her gaze only served to remind him of a different fire he had seen shortly after he had tasted her on his lips. He would give coin he didn't have to know if she remembered that.

When her gaze finally landed on him, for the first time in three days, he didn't hide his eyes or the glimmer of arousal them. He wanted her to see it. Finally, three years of tension and three years of waiting were going to be over.

Siri stumbled when Anders held her gaze and felt ridiculously warm under his scrutiny. Right, more thought power into putting one foot in front of the other.

"Mother, for the tenth time, I will be fine. You've seen the trouble I've managed to get into before, I doubt a night at the Hanged Man will be what brings me down." She marched rather determinedly towards the foyer, retrieving her coat from a small wooden protrusion on the wall.

Anders grabbed his staff, his amusement only increasing as Leandra hovered rather effectively. Probably due to the older woman barraging her daughter with questions and the corner Leandra had her backed into Hawke was having trouble pulling her coat on. Her right arm was caught at an incredibly awkward angle. He stepped over, pulling the fabric taught so that her arm could slip through without further issue. Maker she smelled good and she was actually having to lean on him due to space limitations, her weight felt right. "I'll make sure she comes home safe, Leandra. You need not worry."

It felt far too natural to let him support her, and the feathers were tickling her nose. Wait... Why hadn't he moved away? Siri felt like pinching herself when his hands wrapped around her waist. Hopefully they couldn't see her shiver, was he intentionally breathing in her ear? Anders had to know that was driving her up the wall. Maker help her, she would take anything he'd give. He was most definitely touching skin, on her, for longer than a period of seconds. Hawke's brain seized a little as the rules of reality realigned themselves. Damn just a finger stroking her hip and she was really really sure she would fall if he let go. She should be irritated that something that simple could leave her this hot and bothered, perhaps it was more the the implications that prolonged touching led to that had her palms sweating.

"Are we ready to depart?" Fenris voice cut through the moment.

"See we brought the cleaving happy elf with the big sword! No reason to worry Leandra, dear." Isabela cooed, slipping past the trio towards the now open door.

Anders stepped towards the door and Siri moved with him, fitting like a glove. She had no idea where the sudden contact was coming from but damned if she wasn't going to enjoy it. As they crossed the doorway and fresh night air filled her lungs, she wrangled with the flush that wanted to make itself very known. She had to be distracted because next moment, and at a notably lower tone than his normal timbre, "I'm not crowding you, am I?"

Exactly when had he gotten that close to her ear?! "I don't mind."

Anders smiled pulling the rogue flush against his side, sliding his arm up to her shoulders. "You know," he leaned in closer. "Justice has insisted that I take the night off. Tonight should be interesting."

"Has he now? Well that's good to know."

It did wonders for his pride, the tremor in her voice.


	7. Chapter 7

Candlelight truly was it's own kind of magic. It took a dingy rundown bar and turned it into a warm environment that was as fluid as most of the patrons vision. A fireplace gave way to larger bursts of light and it felt hot and oppressing, it was strong enough to warm a home against the cold winter however, it wasn't delicate enough to make women's faces softer, to leave that little bit of mystery and cheek to a room. Maybe her occupation made her opinion a smidge biased, but life was nicer with a shade of candlelight to it. 

Or that could be the lovely bottle of wine Varric had supplied her with when she got there. The evening had been wonderful so far. Most everyone had turned out, Merrill was sitting next to Varric staring intently at his cards. Siri smiled when she noted the hand Merrill held over her mouth. Apparently Varric decided until she understood the finer points of Diamondback Merrill was not allowed to ask questions about 'three pretty ladies'. Siri had never seen a table fold faster. She wasn't currently participating, no need to start handing out her sovereigns just yet. Besides, she was far too distracted to keep up with Bela's cheating antics tonight. Being a rather logical human being she was currently torn between confusion and elation. He had not let go of her yet. That arm was either curled around her waist or her shoulders. He was lucky he was absolute shite at cards, cause she had been able to see his hand all night.

The room was in high spirits, even Fenris had dropped his frowny ways. "Wouldn't it defeat the purpose if I told you what color they were anyway?"

"Oh the things I could teach you. Why must you tease me so?" Bela whined, contorting herself in a manner that heavily accentuated the pirate's assets, so to speak. 

"You might not feel that way so often if you didn't look at existing as a proposition for sex." Fenris mumbled, ignoring the slight blush he knew he was sporting.

She cared for Isabela, she truly did, but the elf had a point. Aveline had swiftly hidden her grin behind emptying her cup. "Varric, what does it means when..?"

"Hands, Daisey."

The very muffled slightly reproachful sound Merrill made was nothing short of precious.

"Besides," Isabela huffed. "There are a few more requirements than just existing. I do have some standards."

Aveline may have hidden her amusement behind her cup again, but the sounds of the guard captain coughing and spluttering were tactfully ignored by the group, just short of Bela's glare. 

Anders shifted towards her, leaning down a bit, "You seem to be enjoying yourself." She had been quiet most of the evening, most people would have assumed she was just tired. Anders knew better, she was content and for someone with her background it made sense that she would revel in such a feeling. The slight rosey hue to her cheeks spoke volumes and the small smile let him know she was enjoying her friends company. When she turned to him her smile only grew. "I am amongst family, safe, and happy. My mother has her estate, she is well cared for. Everyone around me is celebrating and the wine is glorious." She smiled as she pulled lightly off the bottle, handing it to her cohort. It was odd to see him drink, but the lazy warmth it brought to his face was gorgeous. "It would be a crime if I were not enjoying this."

That moment, just the way she looked and her casual acceptance of his arms around her. She had been curled into his right side all night. She was so close and she smelled wonderful. All it would take was one head tilt and he would feel those lips on his again. To the void with their friends, his fingers traced her jaw delighting in the feeling of her breath on his thumb as it brushed her lower lip. The tiny noise of want that she emitted when her lips closed around said thumb left Anders short of breath.

"Hawke, if you keep trying to fuck people on my table I might stop inviting you over." Varric groused. It seriously wouldn't have chafed nearly as much if she'd bothered to look away from Blondie before she mumbled a noncommittal answer. 

Isabela's laughter floated across the room, "It's this table Varric. Nothing's sexier than a rough wood table."

"And here most descent people would think that splinters were a turn off," Aveline supplied while tossing her cards on the table. "And again, can you people think of nothing else? I fold and I need another drink."

Siri was in heaven and she dare not break the spell. Her left hand was playing with the hair at the nape of his neck and her right was held in his talented hands. She had never been the type for a massage but Maker that felt nice. His hands were slightly calloused, which just added to the allure, but when he applied pressure just below her thumb to all those little muscles that allowed the rogue to shift her daggers angle and position. The sensation made her toes curl. "When did you get so good at this?"

"You pick up strange talents in the Circle, not all of them are about magic," Anders quipped, eyes focused on the task at hand. He turned her palm so it was facing up, his fingers danced across the string of her muscles prying the tension out of each one before methodically moving to the next. The slide of his own skin across hers was blissful torment, the velvety feel and reactions it brought with were not only something he had long given up, but he had never felt this strongly. He glanced down to her face, eyes lulled half closed his feathers mixing with her silky black hair. It was special because it was her. 

"We might have to disagree about the whole 'what you're doing right now' thing not being magic." Siri quietly decided she liked this spot, his arm and shoulder were comfy. The floaty sensation that came with the wine was glorious, especially when she closed her eyes, all she could smell or feel was Anders. And he was making her feel ever so nice.

It was poetic that her eyes were closed, really. That she would trust him this openly and this close. He couldn't wait. Their surroundings exploded into laughter and squeals as the game ended, Isabela stood as winner which of course raised concerns for cheating and Merrill proceeded to hurtle questions at the dwarf at a mile a minute. Siri smiled, she truly loved her friends. The smile that graced her lips as he leaned down made him wonder if she could see with her eyes closed. 

The query died too quickly to be examined. Her lips were as soft as he remembered and she tasted as sweet as the wine she was drinking. Her inhale only opened further possibilities, he bit lightly on her lower lip before tilting her face and sliding his tongue along her's. The noise around them had stopped but neither had a clue. Her hand tightened in his hair as she yanked him closer, more by Andraste's flaming tits, she wanted more. The rough slide of his stubble was driving her mad.

Anders was hard pressed to keep his groan at bay. This woman was playing him like a fiddle, her lips and taste leaving his mind reeling and his body straining. Her left hand gripped his shoulder pulling him closer to her as her right, embedded in the hair at the back of his neck, yanked him closer with a voracity that spoke volumes. He found his own hands being just as studious, one gently cradling the side of her face and the other holding on to her hip for dear life, subtly pulling the rogue closer.

With a shift he surged forward in the kiss, moving his hand from the side of her face to the back of her neck, taking charge and forcing Hawke to allow Anders to explore her more thoroughly and on his terms. She relinquished her hold on his own hair and whimpered in pleasure under his magical lips and hands. She could feel the shift in his body, the tension underneath all those clothes, how she longed to run her fingers over all that skin without those damn robes in her way. Instead she ended up locked in his embrace, her hands flitting over his shoulders completely entranced by her healer. 

"You are all a bunch of deviants!" Aveline cut in. "You," she gestured to Isabela, "should not be watching such things." She turned on Varric, "You should not be writing such things. And Merrill should not be exposed to such things, we'll spend all night awkwardly explaining things and making snarky references she doesn't know we're making." Aveline then turned on the two in the corner, both blushing from their head to their toes. "If one were prudent then the thought might possibly occur to you that this lot doesn't need any encouragement?" 

Siri's gaze immediately fell on Varric. Yup, she was going to kill him. He knew she hated his penchant for publicizing her love life, fine he could write about her slaying dragons without lifting more than her pinky finger all day, but this, this required action. "Varric," she said silkily, slipping from her healer's grasp for the first time this evening. "We talked about this. Hand over the parchment."

It really did puff up her ego that the dwarf did not completely hide the nervous twitch of the hand holding said parchment. "You can't be serious?! That was epic. I've been waiting years to get insight into all that lovely tension, that I might add, was put on display in a public place!"

"I'll say." Isabela swooned, staring at Anders in a way that made Siri simultaneously want to agree with and skin the pirate. "You should let him keep it kitten. That was the stuff of legends."

Aveline scooted past Hawke retaining her previous seat and Anders busied himself with the bottle of wine in front of him, not nearly as bothered as Siri by the situation. Not after that kiss, he had had many lovers in the past but if that was just the opening act, he couldn't wait to see just what the rest of the night would bring. He could just imagine the noises she'd make with his tongue wrapped around her nipple or how soft her hip would feel as he moved inside her. Belatedly he was grateful that the patches in his clothing forced him into wearing multiple layers, he would not need to worry about his reaction being obvious. 

"Fine, keep your blasted parchment and scribbles. Just know, there will be retribution for this."

She was so cute when she huffed. 

"Is it warm in here or it it just me? Heavens, I need another drink. I'm babbling aren't I?" The elf tittered nervously. "Oh and look at that, I haven't stopped have I?"

"You're so sweet, kitten," Isabela cooed. Well it never did take Bela long to move on, Siri thought affectionately. A hand on her own returned her attention to her amber eyed apostate, oh his gaze was practically oozing sex right now. "Come with me." He captured her lips again, telling her what he dare not say in this public place. "Let me walk you home."

Siri concluded that Merrill had the right idea. She grabbed the bottle of wine she had been supplied and while glaring openly at Varric plucked one more from the basket by her feet. "This has been fun, but I require fresh air. I had a lovely time, good night."

"Sure Hawke, take the extra bottle as congratulations. See you two in a few days." She would kill Varric later, right now she had better things to be doing.

 

Outside the Hanged Man the cooler air nipped at the warmth that had built between the two but as far as Anders that was a wonderful excuse to keep Hawke closer. He did have a few things he wanted to say to her, but the serenity of the moment was difficult to break. "What changed your mind?"

Apparently not the difficult, although he shouldn't be surprised after three years of ignoring her advances. "There were a few factors," he mused, content to be slightly coy.

"Given the extreme patience I have shown, a little explanation is not unwarranted."

Anders chuckled, "I suppose you deserve an explanation. Although I'm loathed to admit it, Bela yelled at me after I put you to sleep on Sundermount." They were ascending through Lowtown, both of them trying to remain attentive, they weren't in a safe area. "She pointed out that, well, if I hadn't gotten there in time I would never have the opportunity to kiss you... Or tell you how I feel. Spending time with you these past days have tested me, being this close to you but not touching you was unbelievably torturous and wonderful at the same time."

He slid his hand to entwine with her own. "You, however," he paused to gather his thoughts. "I could never have imagined how badly three little words from your lips would tilt my world and not just mine. Justice has been very vocal lately and his opinion on my affections have shifted. Apparently, you've made quit the impression on him. He is still disapproving, but... Well, let's say that my world is not the only one that was left rocked by your confession."

Siri just knew her face was as red as a tomato. "In my defense, I truly thought I was dying."

They reached Hightown and both breathed a little bit easier, while not in the clear they were a bit safer. Anders halted their progress, wrapping his arms around her waist and effectively pinning her to a wall. "There was another event that weighed heavily on my mind." His mouth met her own in a brutal kiss. Hawke moaned drinking up his obvious affection, her hips ground against his running up against his very solid length had her just shy of keening and hopping onto his hips in the middle of the damn street. "I've actually been wondering if you remember. You're truly evil you know, promising not to distract me and then within hours of said promise you end up in my arms. That was the first time I tasted you."

Hawke would almost say she was overwhelmed, with Anders lips on her neck nibbling and talking and detailing that apparently not dream she had those few days ago. Throwing caution to the wind she braced herself on his shoulders and locked her legs around his waist creating the most delicious friction between them. "Anders... " she moaned, her body alight from his touch. 

The shift in balance barely affected her apostate, using his grip on her hips he rocked into her body damning the cloth the kept them apart. He nibbled on her ear, his words low and rough as he held her to him. "You've seen the monster I can be, but I'm still a man, you can't tease me like this and expect me to resist forever. You say you love me, and I'm about to show you just how much I love you. As long as that is still what you want."

"Anders, if you stop now I will drug you, yank you back to the estate, and tie you to the bed," Siri growled, as her feet hit the ground again. "Wait... You love me?" Yes, if her very twitter-pated brain was relaying information correctly those words had tumbled from his lips. She openly stared at the mage, shock running rampant through her system.

A soft smirk adorned his face when he grabbed her hand and pulled her close, the atmosphere of the hug miles from the sexual tension it held moments ago. He pressed a kiss to her temple pouring all he felt into his own confession, she had to know this was more than sex, "I've never dared fall in love, it's too easy to be manipulated if you have someone you care about, but you are everything that I want and need in a partner. I love you with every fiber of my being, Hawke, and I need you just as badly. Apostates are forbidden to love, and this is the rule I will most enjoy breaking."

"You always were a rebel." Hawke mumbled happily.


	8. Chapter 8

Their embrace in the center of the Hightown was a memory the Siri held close to her heart for a very long time. The simple affirmation of her affections, the sensation of knowing there was a port in the storm for her only increased the love and devotion she felt for her apostate. She laughed lightly, at least she wasn't deluding herself anymore when she thought that. Anders' chuckle at her ear sent goosebumps flowing over her arms. "What are you laughing about? My confession not dramatic enough for you?"

His teasing tone made her heart soar. "You've always been more than enough for me."

He stroked her cheek gently, fingers deftly sliding below her chin to tilt her face towards his own and sliding his lips along hers', keeping the contact simple just gentle touches leaving their bodies on a slow boil while giving their minds time to catch up. He was so lost in the taste and feel of her, his emotions were on such a high. He could vaguely feel Justice in the background doing his best to proverbially stick his head in the proverbial sand. He felt a pang of pity for the spirit knowing how overwhelming this had to be for him. He broke away from Hawke gently, stealing a kiss or two on the retreat. "Let's get you home, you're shivering."

"That, my dear, has very little to do with the temperature and a lot more to do with you."

As they resumed their walk Hawke spied a glance at his face. He seemed happy, more relaxed than he had been in a while and his face wasn't nearly as gaunt as the week previous when she had stopped the Templars from handing him to Meredith's care. Her grip subconsciously tightened on his hand, she had been so close to this never happening. Shaking her thoughts away from the unhappy path they had traveled down she turned back to Anders. Ah, the other issue they hadn't tackled, he was speaking with Justice. "Is. . . Is he alright?"

She felt Anders tense under her hold for a moment. They had reached her home and he paused in the doorway. "Why do you ask?"

Hawke's mental train jumped its tracks for a moment as she stepped further into the light the torch at her door provided. "He is a part of you. I. . . I don't want to cause you any kind of discomfort." Siri felt her confidence waver, she was usually pretty adept at reading him and right now she could read nothing from either his eyes, face, or body language. Perhaps bringing up Justice had been a bad idea?

Anders wrestled with the reactions that response caused, needless to say Justice was uncomfortable with the concept of being embarrassed. His irritation at the spirit being even brought up warred with the equally unbalancing flood of gratitude from Justice, the strong emotion tempered his ire. "I haven't been with anyone since we. . . It's easier for him to cope with emotions, those he understands, physical sensation is overwhelming for him. It is difficult to reconcile."

Siri gambled, he seemed upset that it had been brought up but he also responded by describing the spirits duress so she couldn't be too far off in thinking Justice was distinctly uncomfortable. They could approach the situation in two ways, either Justice could close himself off as much as possible which is what she assumed was currently happening and not working or, she could try and make both of them comfortable. It seemed whether Anders wanted to experience Justice's discomfort or not he would feel that way if the spirit did as well. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Anders really should not be surprised. How many times had she told random strangers the same thing? It's what she did. He was shocked to say the least, most women wouldn't of touched him with a nine foot pole and here was this tiny miraculous little thing that not only wanted to love him, she was willing to rip the bandages off and deal with Justice too? His grip tightened on her pulling her into his arms for the millionth time that night and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I do not deserve you."

**_"These feelings make me feel ungrounded. I will not be lost? I won't simply fly away?"_ **

_"No, Justice, you will not be lost. Don't concentrate only on how I feel, make sure you feel her as well how her skin slides against my fingers. How she feels against my lips, she will ground you."_

His mouth descended on her again, nipping at her swollen bottom lip before mating their tongues again. His hands slid down her arms taking her hands in his own before holding one to his cheek and the other wrapped itself at the base of his neck, her fingers already splaying in his hair. She fell against him relishing the lines of his body against her own, he hadn't exactly answered her but she took smoochies as a good sign. She broke away from him shortly, gazing up at him with a question she already knew he could see swimming in her gaze. "Anders?"

The Mage lifted his face to the light, allowing Hawke to see the raw adoration he held. "He was worried that he would fly away."

Siri smiled, "I can understand the notion. Tell him not to worry I'll make sure neither of of you go anywhere." She reached up on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on his lips. "Besides, I've a vested interest in keeping him happy and you too. So shall we see if an awkward conversation with my mother shall be had or if they were tactful and are already sleeping?"

"Just so we are clear I am all for avoiding awkwardness." Anders mumbled while self consciously raking his hair back. He reached for his tie only to find an empty pocket. Glancing towards his rather charming companion who looked decidedly innocent.

"What?!" Siri chirped.

"You have my tie." Anders deadpanned.

"I do! How observant of you. If you want to absolute truth I have two of them this one and the one you left on the floor after our last make out session. Is there a problem with my having it?" Hawke slid the key into the lock keeping a half smirk in place. "Besides, I like your hair down. Might have to earn it back though."

"I've never hoped to not see Bohdan more." Anders voice flowed over her, his tone deeper than normal.

*****

The house had been blessedly empty of either prying mothers and trusty dwarves. They were obviously expected though, Siri felt a flood of gratitude once they reached her bed chambers a low fire was already going and the room was pleasantly warm, also a small plate of fruits and cheeses with two glasses and no wine. Hawke chuckled, trust mother to know she'd have her own bottle. Anders smile lit up his face at the sight of the food. "I dare say, your mother might actually fatten me up yet." He nabbed the plate and plopped on her bed.

Siri swung her gaze to the fireplace to cover her eye twitch, it would not due to have her eccentricities ruin the evening, she'd just shake the sheets out before they went to sleep. She hazarded a glance towards her bed, oh well, she supposed he was rather cute, cuter than Isabela for sure. She'd threatened said pirate with bodily harm. But Anders, she supposed he could.

"Given her earlier worry I should let her know I'm home. I'll only be a moment," she mumbled moving towards the still open door.

She nearly tripped over her beloved Thedas, the mabari grumbling when she stepped on him. "I'm sorry sweetness." Thedas huffed but resumed his guard at his mistress door.

As she toddled to her mothers room, knocking lightly. "Mother, I'm home."

"Yes dear, have a wonderful evening. I'm just going back to sleep now."

"Goodnight. And. . . Thanks mum."

"Oh shush and shoo! You've better things to be doing tonight." Her mothers affection made a small smile climb up her face.

She ran back to her room, the chill in the hallways eating at her toes. She closed the door with a quiet thunk taking a deep breath and attempting not look nearly as nervous as she felt. The rough wood was cool if a bit rough against her forehead. It had been quite some time since she had been with a man. She mentally giggled, Anders was probably the only person who could match how many partners she had had. Her nerves were ridiculous, she knew she was more than adept in bed, but this was Anders. The only person she had found worthy of chasing that long, the only one who managed to hold her attention for that long. She shivered when the sound of footsteps hit the floor towards the two glasses that had previously been ignored for the plate. She inhaled slowly turning a blind eye to the slightly lightheaded feeling she was not suffering from, she could do this, it was just Anders, there was nothing to be afraid of. She turned to face the room taking the glass of chilled wine from him. His robe was gone, he only wore plain trousers and a white shift. He lifted her fingers to his lips in a decidedly chilly grip. "We're finally here," he breathed.

There had never been a moment in her life where she had been so aware of her fingertips.

She was shaking, she knew it, it was totally visible in this moment. She could already see affection melting to concern in his gaze. Hawke shoved around her mental baggage trying to figure out where this irrational fear was coming from. What was different this time? She'd taken dozens of lovers, why of all times now was her confidence failing?!

"Siri, are you alright?"

The concern in his tone brought her gaze to his face. It wasn't anything she hadn't spent years daydreaming about. Nothing had changed, he had always been this way, gorgeous amber eyes, puffy kissable lips and blonde hair she always twitched to hold. It was her Anders, the man whom she'd spent a good part of the evening attached to, by the lips for Andraste's sake! She searched his eyes. "I. . . I've never exactly been a prude in my lifetime. But this. . ." Her exhale was shaky as she was.

"The ones I was with before it came so easy, I didn't. . . I'm not a monster I made sure those I was with were happy or got one depending on how you want to look at it." She looked down, feeling more raw than she liked to be. "You're so much different from them. You could change me. I would do anything for you. I'm sorry I know I'm strangling the mood here but," she sniffled as delicately as possible. "I'm sorry, that just scared me for a second."

Affection swirled in his chest, he hadn't realized she could feel so small, the champion of Kirkwall trembling in his arms because she loved him and it terrified her just as much as it did him. It only meant the strength of her feelings matched his own and knowing they were both feeling the same thing only increased the tenderness of the moment.

Anders gaze was possibly the most sweet and open she had ever seen it as he lifted her chin, "I love you too." He kissed the still trembling lips that now sported an equally shaky smile.

He tasted just as sweet as the fruit he had been previously nibbling on. The weight of his arm draped across her waist was a comfort. As much as he shook her on a very base level his presence was the only thing that put it all back together, she supposed it didn't have to make logical sense, this just felt right. Her tremors eased until she felt she had the ability to stand on her own. They broke apart shortly after, affectionate kisses and nibbles often traded.

She smiled softly, taking a heavy pull off her glass chasing back down the swirly feeling that had been so present at the Hanged Man.

"Are you hungry?" He hedged, going back to the plate. Hawke tittered nervously, "Yeah, food would be good."

"Come here," Anders patted the bed next to him. She placed her wineglass on the table by the door. In the moment she had with her back turned to him she took a deep breath and composed herself. When she turned around her smile was easy and confident. She leaned down unlacing her boots before she sauntered to the bed wiggling her toes to bring the warmth back to them. She sat next to him, one leg bent and underneath her, the other dangling off the bed.

"Are there any grapes?"

"Do you have a taste for them?" Anders asked lifting a branch to her. She popped the small oval into her mouth chewing enthusiastically. "Actually, yes. I've loved them ever since I was a child." She picked off another sweet orb. "They're my favorite."

"Hawke, if you're uncomfortable we don't have to. . . "

Siri grinned with an almost sadistic touch, "The rope is within arms reach, please don't tempt me."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *note* if it bugs or bothers Justice does make a quasi erotic appearance here so if it squicks don't read.

"So," Siri mumbled, reaching up to one of her numerous braids and fiddling with the tie. "Who taught you that wonderful 'not magic' you did back at the Hanged Man?"

To her delight, Anders looked torn between affection, embarrassment, and a slight flinch. "Ah, a previous lover then. Someone special by the looks of it." She smirked as she leaned in for a kiss, smile firmly in place. To his credit, though he was obviously flustered, he had lost none of his enthusiasm. Maker's breath, the feel of his lips on hers was leaving her wetter than she would be comfortable with acknowledging. She usually wasn't a fan of a slow seduction, but this was Anders, she wanted to be extremely aquatinted with every single inch of his skin come daybreak. Haha, come. Her resulting giggle might have been the end of said kiss.

"You bring up the oddest things sweetheart." His smile was positively infectious. "You really want to talk about this?"

Siri really really tried to suppress the cat that ate the canary grin. She failed miserably. She pivoted her hip slightly using his shoulder as leverage and plopped herself in his lap, legs splayed around his waist. "Don't worry," she purred. Anders bit back a moan at the shift of her hips, bringing her heat so close but sadly unobtainable at this angle. Her leathers wouldn't allow anything other than some light petting, which he was currently doing. Andraste's tits. "I'll warn you if I start to get jealous." She pulled her arms around his shoulders plucking another grape off the vine. As she came back around, she raised the fruit to his lips. On reflex his jaw dropped and he attempted to nibble on the ridiculously tempting fruit but each time she would pull the grape back. "Besides," she whispered leaning toward his ear. Finally letting the small round between his lips practically keening when he obligingly made sure her fingers were free of the sticky juice. "Wouldn't it a be a little bit fun if I was?" She tilted her hips against his releasing a little whimper at the height of her arch.

She was ever so glad she left her eyes open. She had a habit of focusing on people and easily seeing through the cracks in their armor. Everyone was a person, each had their own wants and desires and reacted to their environment accordingly. Once you learned to sit back and watch people usually told you who they were, downright screamed it at you actually, without ever saying a word. With Anders she'd been excessive, she could, mostly, understand what was running through that damnable skull of his just by looking at his face.

Ecstasy looked amazing on him.

Anders hands shot to her hips, as her scent wafted up to him. His libido practically sang with delight as he rocked towards her. Clothes, yes the clothes needed to go. He could still feel Justice, the Fade spirit was dealing with the touching better, but there was a distinct rigidness. _'Justice, my friend. Do not hesitate to reach out. I won't let you harm her.'_

' ** _I do not believe she would want that. Besides, we are one and you do not want to share her.'_**

Siri chuckled, popping another grape in her mouth. Who knew that blue looked good on Anders while he was making sexy faces. Yup, that look was getting filed away in the 'particularly nummy looks' file. Should she find it sexy when Justice made his appearances? She supposed Anders had already made it clear how he felt about the situation. Honestly enough it was Anders she loved, there was no swoony feelings when it came to Justice.

There was respect and affection sure, but nothing compared to her amber eyed apostate, he was along for the ride so to speak. Why not make sure everyone can have fun? Besides, it was becoming increasingly apparent that there was only really one solution. And if Anders didn't like it, well there were bound to be other little unexpected hiccups and they'd just have to deal.

He hadn't stayed idle for long. His hands slid from her waist to the buckles on her leathers, peeling it from her skin. It was truly freeing, she had started to itch and she had longed to feel his bare hands on her skin. She rolled her left shoulder obligingly so that he could finish removing her shirt while using her right to undo the buttons of his shift pushing the flimsy cloth off his shoulder. Should she find it disturbing that her mouth started watering? As if beckoned by a siren's call she started at the side of his neck.

She nibbled lightly, soothing the irritated skin with a brush of lips and tongue. Maker she finally knew what his skin tasted like. His hands were every where, squeezing her thighs, winding up her back. She groaned when he cupped her ass, and she shamelessly ground up against him. "Lean back, love. Let me see you." She felt a flash of heat in her nether regions, note to self he's even sexier with all that gravel in his voice.

He brought his knee up so she had something to lean back against, placing it firmly on the bed frame as she settled herself accordingly. She had the most delicate shoulders with all the soft pale Fereldan skin, one wouldn't think she was as physically capable as she was with all those flips and whatnot he had seen on numerous occasions. Her breasts were amazing and she had obviously chosen her smalls specifically for tonight. They were black lace and the material felt like satin. She moaned beautifully as his fingers teased her already aching nipples through the cloth, she arched towards that wonderfully talented hand, her hair draped across his knee and he had to get out of these pants. He wanted to feel the silky slide across his flesh.

With renewed determination he started pulling at the band the hid her breasts from his view. After a throaty laugh from the woman currently perched in his lap and a small bit of assistance the offending item was removed. And oh she had gorgeous breasts and pert little pink nipples that just begged to be used. Her breathing hitched at the first touch of his lips, so warm and wet and she keened when his tongue came out to play. She felt his arms on her back and vaguely realized that he had prevented her from basically throwing herself on the floor. "So responsive," he mumbled around her flesh, switching to the other nipple and giving that one the same treatment.

He reached up and framed her tits, his mouth skimming the side, stubble tickling the whole way. She couldn't stop the slight giggle that bubbled up. "Ticklish?" He whispered and he kissed up her chest his hands wrapping over her shoulders and doing the most delightful things with his fingers, it was an odd contrast as the muscles in her shoulders relaxed under his coaxing it only stoked the fire between her legs. "Makers breath Anders, if you don't let me out of these pants I think I might ruin them."

Anders skin crackled with blue, his eyes when they met hers were still that beloved shade of red that she adored. The resulting laugh only resulted in further ruining her clothes. He latched back on to her breast with his lips while his left came back to her pussy, positioned his middle finger over her clit and Siri felt what was most definitively a tap and then she understood wholly why Bela had never forgotten the electricity trick, even after years. That was positively sinful! She was rather sure she had squealed and yay Anders kept us from falling again.

"Then let's ruin them properly, yes?" His smile was all male pride, so cocky and sure of himself and damn if he didn't wear it well. Why in all Thedas had it not occurred to her that she had never in all her fun been with a Mage?! She came back to reality as her center of gravity shifted and no she did not squawk indignantly as Anders picked up her rather prone form and shifted them further up the bed. "Well, that's good to know. You've been missing out sweetheart."

Wait, she said that out loud?

He laughed and its tone was rich and dark and she could practically feel her body vibrate with pleasure. "Let me show you why mages are feared."

Her back hit her comforter and she whimpered. She was never going to be able to hear that in the middle of a battle and be able to manage not being turned on. He prowled down her body, bringing her nipple to his mouth and she shuddered as his lips and tongue left smattering a of electricity over her skin. He nipped at the soft skin of her tummy while his hands squeezed her hips keeping her snug against him. Siri was frankly outraged that her pants weren't off by now. She reached for the buckle only to receive a slight swat and Anders scooting down the bed.

"Hey! Get back up here." She huffed.

She really was the cutest damn thing, all indignant and angry, like he'd taken her favorite toy away. He grabbed an ankle and she slid easily back down the bed but only enough so that he could reach her pants but she would not be able to get a hand on him. His fingers slid through the buckle slowly releasing the locks that held her. He slid his grip from her ankle to her thigh, shifting her leg to bend at the knee.

Siri was pretty sure she might have met her match. He was a gorgeous sight. A smattering of chest hair adorned him with wide shoulders and a ridiculously attractive waist. His hips had just the right line and curve and Maker she wanted to nibble on that ass. He was literally on his knees before her and he was staring at her pussy like it was the purest lyrium he'd ever seen. His arms were well muscled, twirling a staff and grinding the ingredients needed for potions apparently does wonders for muscle structure. His skin was so damnably smooth.

"It's not just electricity love. Let me show you." Oh yup, she was a goner. Her pants slid down her legs easily enough and Siri had very little if not no time to be mildly embarrassed about exactly how wet she was before he cupped her sex and she felt his healing magic practically swirl around her clit. She moaned at his touch fingers needling into the covers since she couldn't sink them into him. "Anders..."

"Tell me what kind of magic and you get a treat," he chuckled tracing the outline of her smalls.

Makers breath he actually expected coherency out of her?! "Cre... Creation!" She moaned. "Good girl," he rumbled before slipping his fingers underneath her smalls. He had all intentions of leaving them on but at the feel of her so very slick with want he couldn't resist. He practically ripped them from her in his eagerness to explore her. The sound of a wine glass hitting the floor and shattering was mostly ignored. He'd feel bad about that later. Right now he had something else to be concentrating on.

She shaved so there was no hair to worry about. Oh yes, this would be fun. Especially if she never had been with a mage. His thoughts went skipping merrily back to his more perverse days as his body settled into the cradle of her hips and by all that was holy she smelled divine. He had to taste her and reward her. She had been right.

He pulled his mana ever so slightly, lowering the temperature of his lips before kissing that lovely little slit and then spread her for his feasting. He registered her hand already curling into his hair but as far as he was concerned that was perfectly fine, his healing skills would not go to waste. "Anders sweetness that's amazing."

The smug bastard chuckled which sent Hawke's head reeling backwards as she arched under his touch. He had to lock an arm around her thigh to keep her legs from squishing him. She was so very vocal, he mused while blowing a chilly breath over her clit. It was a wonderful contrast to the heat when he slid his fingers inside her. He groaned as her walls pulled at him. She was very tight and that did make sense considering her bed partner for the past few years. He slipped his fingers from inside her and brought them to his mouth.

Siri angled herself up on her elbows determined to take control of the situation and to mainly get his damn pants off when the view stopped her. She could smell the scent of magic and of the fade. Justice was closer to the surface than he had been all night. It was sexy and a little scary. Which was such a turn on. His eyes were even swirling with blue and damn if that didn't look exceedingly sexy staring up at her from between her own thighs. "Hey there sexy. Everything ok?"

" ** _I have never felt such a strong reaction. I was... Unprepared. I am sorry."_**

She felt the pull of the fade start to dissipate. She reached for his face before he did so. "You've nothing to apologize for. I don't understand how this works but can Anders hear me right now too?"

There was a very stilted nod.

"He's probably none too happy at the moment isn't he?"

If possible an even more stilted nod.

"I will set things right, let him back out." Justice seemed to consider her for a moment before unfolding from the cradle of her hips and prowled up her body before stopping at her lips. Heavens above it really looked like prowling. ** _"You truly are an amazing creature._** " He placed a gentle kiss on her lips before she felt the fade spirit recede and felt the man return.

He held her closely but withheld his eyes. He was upset that Justice had done that but he was upset in a completely different way at her reaction to it. No woman in her right mind would do what she just did. Why?! Why in the world had she said it was ok?! Justice could have hurt her!

He felt Justice's reaction to that. It was outrage, she was in no danger from him. The spirit, while being completely baffled by the girl, was fond of her.

**_"Your feelings were strong. I... I worried for her safety."_ **

Anders baulked at that. _'I would never hurt her!'_

**_"I know. I am sorry. Your feelings were strong and you desired to consume her. It would break you if you hurt her and this is difficult to understand! My actions were only to prevent harm. This sensation is very close to the desire the demons hold to consume their hosts."_ **

Anders felt a bout of nausea with that lovely little comparison.

**_"But you do not consume to empty your vessel, it is a sharing not a taking. We can find peace in that. I will not interfere again."_ **

The spirit's presence stilled and as one they took a deep breath to see Hawke sitting on her bed head propped up casually on her knee still unabashedly naked simply waiting for their conversation to end. "You two get everything sorted out then?" She asked as if she hadn't a care in the world.

Laughter bubbled from his lips, "We do not deserve you."

"Nope," she said smugly. "But I love you anyways and you are so totally stuck with me. Especially since you literally have magical fingers." She pulled his hand to her face before kissing his fingertips. His eyes flared when he realized exactly which hand that was and where it had been before that lovely little episode. Her eyes were practically sparkling with mischief as she pulled the long digit between her lips and the wet slide of her tongue against his skin was sinful. "Lay back sweetness. My turn to make you feel better."

She heard some sort of protest start before she harrumphed, shoved him over and started pulling at his pants. "Love you don't have to..."

"Seriously! Rope hanging right there."

Anders chuckled as she slid her way down his thighs taking his pants with them. The slight interlude with Justice had flagged his enthusiasm a bit but nothing that couldn't be rectified by her mouth. Which she was apparently intent on wrapping around his cock. He glanced towards her and she had the cat ate the canary look out again. This chuckle was slightly more nervous than the other. And oh by Andraste when she did he was hard pressed not to wrap his hands in her hair and just fuck her face. When her to tongue wrapped around him in the best of ways his head kicked back into the pillow and one leg was lifted to a bent position, his hips barely moving but instinctually he couldn't stop that.

She was pretty sure he had no idea of just how glorious of a show he was giving her. One foot planted solidly on the bed, strong thigh clenching in an effort not to cause her any discomfort. His hips fairly danced across the sheets, his skin a stark white against her ruby red sheets. Anders threw his head back when she flicked her tongue across his thick head, all that gorgeously long hair looked simply sinful across her pillow and the sounds he was making! Siri hadn't known the man could whimper but now she had a new favorite sound. She hummed her satisfaction against him. "Hawke, if you do that again this won't end the way you're wanting it to. Please, love," he choked out as she repeated the notion apparently driven to fuck with his mental capabilities. "I want to be inside you, please..."

Her vigor slowly ratcheted down and she eventually released him. Right mental note, Anders loved blowjobs, to be filed away later. She laid one more kiss on the head before prowling back up her lover. Her healer. Her apostate. His eyes were warm and low lidded and in the firelight they practically sizzled and the slide of skin on skin as she crawled up his body was almost painful. His lips immediately sought out her nipple as she settled herself over him, letting her heat slide along his length.

Anders keened around her flesh, just like those kittens he adored. "Please, please let me inside. I've wanted this for so long sweetheart. I need you, please! I need to make you mine..."

She smiled slowly, straightening her back and pulling her nipple from his mouth. "Then watch you silly man." She spread her legs over his waist before she took that hard length in her hand and slowly descended onto him. Makers breath it had been forever since she was with a man and if that enraptured face looking at her now she was a little proud to know she had a warden with all of his stamina clutch her hips just hard enough that she knew she was testing his control.

Her self satisfied smile disappeared when he moved. Oh that sneaky bastard, she moaned throwing her head back electricity tingling inside her. She met his eyes and they were twinkling happily. "You didn't think it was just my hands and mouth did you?" Her tortured groan as he thrust into her was his only answer.

Maker above she felt so full, so gloriously filled. And it was Anders and this felt like home and love and warm fuzzies abound. He rose from the bed bringing their bodies together and she shivered as her nipple rasped against his skin. She whined pitifully when he thrust particularly deep and brushed up against her cervix. "I won't last long if you keep doing that," she keened.

"We have all night love. There won't be an inch of you I haven't tasted by morning," he panted. He had shifted their positions bringing her back onto him with her back leaning against his chest. He pinched her nipple softly before pushing back into her lovely heat, a hand on her hips guiding her movements. It had been years since he had an orgasm that he could presently feel snaking its way down his spine. He groaned picking up his pace as she pleaded with him _, harder faster deeper please Anders!_

"Sweetheart," he whispered in her ear. "Oh love you're so tight so sweet. I'll never let you out of bed again." The paced upped again her quivering thighs struggled to maintain the rhythm.

Anders felt the searing release boil through his skin and with all the mental fortitude he had left he reached around found her clit and let his mana dance over her skin. She wailed in his arms her walls practically sucking out his soul, maker it should be impossible for her to be this fucking tight. With a shock he tried to move her, they hadn't discussed this part before...

Siri's legs locked around his hips. "No, I want you inside me."

Anders growled as his cock exploded. She wanted him inside her then that's what she got. He could feel every hot spurt as his body shuddered and judging by the look on her face she could too. Amazingly she seemed to tighten even more and his libido was very much interested to see if that was another orgasm, just from the feeling of him reaching his peak. That he would play with later for now they were exhausted they both fell to their sides and spent a few minutes exchanging lazy kisses before they fell asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Aveline sighed heavily as she surveyed the numerous missives for the guards. There was a never ending cycle of signing, delivering, and then the inevitable arguments from nobles that thought far too much of themselves and far too little of other people. Honestly, the people in Hightown had no excuse to whine, at least their floor wasn't made of their own wastes. The squabbling of the nobles was however, part of the multiple circuses she had to manage. A light knock on the door signaled another responsibility about to get dropped in her lap. "Enter," she grumbled. 

"Good morning, how are you doing today?"

"Leandra!" Aveline rose from her chair crossing the distance between them and assisting the older woman with what appeared to be food. "What a pleasant surprise. Oh! Are there those little muffins in there?"

Leandra laughed lowly, "Would I come visit the Captain of the Guard without her favorite treats?"

Aveline's response was swift and the muffins were quickly vanquished with all the vigor one could expect from the rather robust woman. After her conquest she delicately made sure she was presentable before turning back towards the silver haired woman. "What brings you to my office this morning? Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Oh, I was just out and about. Giving Siri and Anders some. . . Time to themselves."

Aveline did her best to cover the slight frown of disapproval. She didn't necessarily approve of the complicated mage, however, she did wish for happiness for Hawke, poor thing had more to do than she did. "I can't say I approve, but it will be nice to not see her mope about after seeing him. Maybe Hawke will quit trying to drown herself in ale every night?"

Leandra laughed lightly before taking a seat across the desk from Aveline. "I don't know if we could go that far, but seeing her happy is a good thing."

A knock rang out through the room. "Enter," Aveline mumbled distractedly. 

"Guard Captain, the reports from last nights patrol."

Leandra watched the scene with increasing interest. Aveline seemed distinctly uncomfortable, and she was blushing. A smile wheedled it's way onto her mouth. The young man standing before her was indeed handsome, tall build with the bulk one tended to see in the more physical occupations. He had dark brown hair that fell to his shoulders and a strong jaw, and was completely oblivious to Aveline's reaction. He was far too worried about pleasing a superior to notice the distinctly feminine response from the ginger across the desk. "Uh, yes! Reports from the patrol. . . Last night. Yes. Thank you, Donnic."

"Ma'am." The young man saluted and left without question. 

Leandra's all too knowing gaze settled on the normally intimidating woman. 

"Please don't tell Hawke, she'll tell that damn pirate and I'll never hear the end of it."

"Your secret is safe with me."

***

Consciousness was a very slow process, it started with an awareness of sheets and the warm body curled around her own. Next came a nice stretch, causing said body to groan and copy her movements. Next was the delicious feeling of skin sliding against another's, her toes dragging against his shin as he yawned settling back into the nest her bed provided. Siri couldn't stop the smile that rose to her lips as his breath tickled her ear, blowing strands of hair into her face. His arms slid around her as he nuzzled closer, inhaling deeply at the base of her neck and she relished in the weight of him half lying on her. "Good morning," she mumbled. She was pleasantly sore in all the right places, they had come together at least twice more during the night and she just knew her hair was a royal mess.

Anders made a sound that intimated 'early'. With more than a slight bit of determination her feet found the floor and went to her restroom to relieve herself. When she returned she was surprised to find Anders already up and dressed. She did her best to hide the hurt that the opportunity for cuddles was gone. His body language practically screeched a sense of urgency and irritation. She went and settled on the bed slightly off kilter with the fact she had no clothes on. Perhaps that was not appreciated? She pulled the sheets to her chest and tried not to stare at him. She settled for staring at the floor before clearing her throat, "Is everything all right?"

"I can't believe I stayed here all night, that was more than careless of me. I have to go, I'm sorry." His staff in hand, he made for the door. 

Siri swallowed past the rather sharp pain in her chest and triaged her options. She could cry and scream and react to the amazingly large amount of anguish that had caused or she could keep her shit in a basket and take it back out later when no one could see. "I see. Well, thank you for last night. It was. . ." She paused to hide the sob. "It was fun." Far too busy keeping herself on lockdown to notice her apostate hesitate before turning the knob, too busy to see the anguish wash over his face or the bob of his throat as he fought to maintain a neutral tone. "I. . . I can go out through the basement, no reason to make this awkward."

"Yeah, sure."

The sound of her door closing resounded through the room. She was strangely aware of the sound of breathing, what had she done wrong?

Inhale. 

Last night had been amazing and he said he loved her. What had she missed? All the signs indicated he had enjoyed himself and things on her end hadn't lacked in the least, in fact he may not know it but last night had set records for her. Was it Justice? Had she walked over some unspoken boundary?

Exhale.

No, she was missing something. There was not another logical conclusion, she lacked context. Something had happened when she went to the bathroom, some stray thought or insecurity that had set him off. She reached for her robe before heading towards her door and tied the knot as she raced down the stairs. 

Mercifully, she could hear him. She wasn't too late. When she finally reached the door to the basement she made the mental note to buy her mabari more mutton then he could eat. Blessed animal had plopped all of his rather substantial mass in front of the door and was happily panting away as Anders awkwardly tried to shuffle Thedas to the side to absolutely no avail.

Anders laugh was strained to say the least, "This is why I'm a cat person." He ran a hand nervously through his hair as Siri considered him and her next words. "Could you make him move?"

"I'll only ask this once, then we can act like this never happened." 

Anders turned his eyes to the floor. "Of course," he choked out. 

Siri took advantage of her rather short stature and stepped up to him, coming in close enough to be able to see his face. She took a deep breathe and locked eyes with him. "What did I do wrong?"

Anders eyes blew wide open in surprise, confusion cascading over his features and drawing his brow low. "Sweetheart, you did nothing wrong." He caught himself reaching a hand to her face and stopped halfway there. "Like you said, it was fun." Maker he couldn't stop the nausea that sentence brought forth, last night had changed his life, but it was ironic she had to heed his warning after he fell, after he didn't have to imagine anymore. He knew what she sounded like when she came now and what noises she made as she slept. Voids, why had he stayed all night?! Meredith was already looking for him and now, he had been seen entering her home and not leaving and he was a known mage. While he had been staying for a few days he had not left the mansion, had been sure that other than his lovely sojourn to Sundermount he had not been seen. He had kept Siri and Leandra safe from being associated with him, at least openly. He dared to sneak a peek at her face and the tears gathering in the corners in her eyes tore at his heart.

"Then why are you leaving?"

He actually heard his neck pop as he jerked in surprise. "Hawke, I thought. . . You don't. . . People will talk if I'm seen here or if I leave here. Meredith is actively looking for me, we were seen together last night and we weren't being very discreet. I couldn't. . . I've put you in danger."

Siri tentatively reached out and touched his face. "Tell me you love me."

She certainly knew how to wield a blade, be it a dagger or her words. "You know I do. For what it's worth, I don't think that will change anytime soon. Just one request, I'll need some time but don't cut me from your life completely, ok?" He closed his eyes against the onslaught of shame. Here he was, asking to still be friends. He sighed in defeat hanging his head further. 

Her lips on his was a surprise, and as if it he had no choice he answered her call. His arms anchored around her waist and crushed her against him with the ferocity of a dying man. This would be the last time he tasted her or felt her skin beneath his fingers. She broke his kiss but not his embrace, lips traveled to his ear before whispering, "Silly man, I don't care about Meredith, she cannot touch me and I will not let her take you. I would have you in my bed and my heart no matter who sees, for as long as you'll have me."

Anders almost sagged against the wall in relief. "I have lain awake for so long, aching for you. This feels like a dream, I'm still waiting to wake up. Would you truly tell the world, the Knight Commander that I am yours?" Despite his words his arms tightened around her, if that was possible.

"I'd charter a damn banner if I didn't think you might consider that a bit brash."

She didn't get the opportunity to say much else, his lips and tongue were firm and demanding. The desperation to reassure himself that he was wanted, even needed drove him to an almost primal state as he lifted her into his arms and her legs wrapped around his waist. "Take me to bed my beloved, I want you."

"And you shall have all you wish of me."

***

Leandra discreetly closed the door to her daughter's estate. She was glad they were able to resolve their issues, the whole point of this was not to have Siri more upset than when this started. Perhaps a stop at that lovely tea shop she had been eyeing for a while, it looked downright cozy. She meandered down the street, nodding politely at the vendors displaying wares.

She sighed wistfully, taking a table in the sunshine. How she missed Malcolm. Maybe, just maybe after all this time she should consider taking after Aveline and Siri? It had been so long since she had a companion.

"I apologize for the intrusion," a deep voice interrupted her thoughts. "But I saw you and one does not simply walk away from a beauty such as yourself without at least getting her name."

Leandra glanced up through her lashes, surprised to feel her cheeks heat up. He was her age, and he had aged well. It couldn't hurt to have tea with a nice man in a well lit public place. "Thank you, my name is Leandra. Please sit," she said gesturing to the seat across from her. "To whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with?"

"My name is Quentin."

***

Sebastian watched the white haired warrior attempt to blend into the background. He was not surprised Fenris did not want to be seen, everything he represented was all hard lines and unbending opinions not to mention a very acidic personality. Fenris would not want his enemies to see him here, perhaps he was ready for a friend to see him here? The redhead made sure to keep his baby blues trained on the floor and began to move towards the elf with the bad temper and big sword that he was trying to befriend. Maker knew how he got himself in these messes. He stood quietly listening to the hymns that calmed him so for a moment or two before speaking. "It's a surprise to see you here. A pleasant surprise, none the less."

Fenris actually jumped, as if Sebastian had thrust an arrow into him rather than speaking. 

Sebastian also guessed that ignoring that was a good idea.

"I'm just dropping something off!" Fenris snarled in his usual grace.

Sebastian hid his smile behind his hand. "I'm sure. Walk with me."

"Where are we going?"

"Are you always this suspicious?" The priest chortled.

"I find suspicion to be a healthy way to live and continue doing so." Falling into step with the other man despite his words. 

Sebastian led them outside, best not to have Fenris feeling defensive. "Each of our emotions, even the unpleasant ones, are there to motivate us to our situation. Situations change though, therefore we must adapt to our new environment or remain stagnant and never truly step forward."

Fenris scoffed, "Why don't you just speak plainly, I prefer the truth to pretty words painting my supposed sad and pathetic want to move on. You've got it wrong priest, I choose to remain as I am." The elf leaned against one of the numerous pillars, his countenance a great contrast to his words. "It's more than I've ever had before. I have a unique perspective on being content."

Sebastian could only note how suddenly tired his comrade looked. "What's troubling you Fenris? I can see you're struggling with something. I'd like to help."

He sighed heavily. "It's Hawke."

"What happened?" The rich accent lilted almost as fluidly as the hymns they heard in the Chantry. 

"Yesterday, I was on my way to the mansion and she stopped me. She looked. . . Happy to see me and I still don't understand why. When we talked I made sure to make her smile. I did so knowing that she has ties to that," the elf visibly restrained himself given their location. "Man. I went out of my way to make her smile."

Sebastian waited patiently for the rest of the story. After a sufficiently awkward silence he realized, that was it. "What's wrong about wanting to make someone, who has only done you kindness after kindness I might add, smile?"

"I didn't know how much I liked that smile. I had no idea my own suggestion would be what finally broke Anders down to her advances. That my first attempt at. . . That. I ended up driving her right into his arms." His laugh held no humor. "I was a coward and that cost me the opportunity to know what might be behind that smile."

"Ah, well I can't blame you. She's a rare gem. The blasted idiot has no idea how lucky he is. If it eases the blow though, she's had eyes for him for quite some time. I don't think she would have been dissuaded. You know Hawke, when she wants something apparently even Rock Wraiths can't stop her."

Fenris chuckled with a bit more humor, "Perhaps it's for the best. I'm still damaged goods in the mental department. She deserves better than me or the healer."

"That is very true."


End file.
